The Adventures of Elanor
by Bulegristwen
Summary: COMPLETE Legolas meets a kitten and takes her to meet his friends. Rated PG for mild violence.
1. Elanor meets Legolas

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters except for Elanor. I got the idea from my own kitten, whose name is Elanor. Anyway, yeah.  
  
I know, I know, I made Elrond evil. I don't care. I think he is a little evil. I mean, Hugo Weaving? Yeah, evil through and through. No, I am just joking. For those of you that have not seen the Matrix, Hugo Weaving plays the bad guy. The evil guy. But then, I do not know what I am talking about:: makes sure no one she knows is around:: I've never seen it ::obviously sarcastic::  
  
Legolas was walking through the forest headed to Rivendell. Suddenly, as he walked, he heard foul voices ahead. He slowed, and jumped into a tree, to investigate. He saw an Orc being tortured by some Uruk-hai. He smiled, and using his bow, he shot two arrows at once, slaying both the Orc, and the leader of the Uruk-hai. The frightened creatures fled, thinking that there were several Elves. They were not ready to fight. Legolas laughed, and jumped down to continue his journey. Suddenly, he heard a little creature. He couldn't tell what it was, but bending down, he realized it was a little cat. He jumped back. The Elves all believed that cats were evil. He didn't know why, as this one seemed harmless. He picked her up gently. He carefully put her in his hood, so that she could ride easily. To his surprise, she didn't try to get out of the hood, as most animals would have. He shrugged, and continued on his way. He soon reached Rivendell. He hid the cat, which he had named Elanor, after the flowers of Lothlorien. When he reached the main hall in Elrond's house, he bowed low, and the kitten slipped out of his jacket, and fled from the Elves, frightened at all the people. Elrond and Thranduil both turned to look at Legolas.  
  
"You brought a cat to Rivendell!" Elrond snapped. "Prince Legolas, I am surprised at you. You know cats are tools of the enemy. You do not know if this cat is a spy of Sauron."  
  
"Lord Elrond, you forget too easily," Legolas replied calmly. "Sauron is no more. Frodo took care of that."  
  
"Still, Saruman is still around."  
  
"No, my lord. I received word that he was slain by Wormtongue in the Shire recently," Legolas said.  
  
Elrond glared at Legolas. 


	2. Elanor reaches the Shire

Legolas found Elanor and took her to the Shire. The first person he saw was Sam. "Hey, Sam," he called. "Hey, Legolas," Sam replied. "Have you seen Elanor?"  
  
"Yeah, she's right here," Legolas said. He held out the kitten.  
  
"Aah! You changed our daughter into a cat!"  
  
"Our daughter?"  
  
"Yeah. Oh wait, I mean mine and Rosie's daughter."  
  
"Oh, okay. Anyway, this is not your daughter. This is my cat!"  
  
"Oh, shut up! Grr," Sam snapped.  
  
"Sssstay closssse young hobbitssss," a voice said.  
  
Sam and Legolas both groaned. "Gimli, I'm not a hobbit," Legolas said, wiping Gimli's spit off himself.  
  
"Yeah. And I'm not young. And remember, say it don't spray it."  
  
"Ssssorry, friendsss," Gimli apologized.  
  
"GIMLI!" Sam and Legolas said in unison. 


	3. Gimli is kicked out of the meeting Haha,...

Mwahahaha! Isn't Elrond evil? And Gimli! Ugh, a dwarf! Elves are *so* much better! lol.  
  
Suddenly Elrond appeared. "Where is that cat?" he shouted.  
  
"What cat?" Sam said.  
  
"Yeah, what cat?" Legolas agreed, an evil look in his eye.  
  
"Legolassss! You never told usss about a ssstupid cat!"  
  
"She's not stupid! And will you stop doing that! My beautiful clothes!" Legolas whined.  
  
"Hey, you do that pretty good," Frodo jumped out of the tree.  
  
"Hey, no hobbit should be in a tree," Gimli said. "That'ssss an Elf thing."  
  
"GIMLI!!" everyone said.  
  
"Ssssorry, guyssss," Gimli muttered.  
  
"All right," Elrond said. "That does it." He nodded to Legolas, and they together threw Gimli out of the Shire.  
  
"Now," said Elrond. "Give me that cat!"  
  
"What cat?" Legolas said innocently.  
  
"You know what cat! The one that came into Rivendell! You know cats aren't allowed in Rivendell!"  
  
Legolas slowly reached into his jacket, and pulled out a.  
  
What did Legolas have in his jacket? Will Elrond kill Elanor? Will Gimli stop talking like he doessss? To find the answers to these questions, and much much more, tune in next time, on the Adventures of Elanor! 


	4. Sauron has returned His Orcs have multip...

Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff. I don't own Legolas (boohoo), Frodo (boy am I glad), Boromir (who'd want some stinkin' dead guy?), Elrond (Aah! A Drow), Sam (what an idiot), Gimli (yuck), Merry (waaaahhh!), or Pippin (waaaahhh! Boohoo!). Or any of the other characters. But I do own Elanor. You can't have her! She's mine, I found her, she came to me! She's mine, my own, my precious!  
  
Last episode, Gimli was thrown out of the meeting. Elrond caught up with Legolas and tried to take Elanor. Sam defended Elrond. And now, the Adventures of Elanor, brought to you by.our new Elven shining products, perfect for bringing that wonderful shiny look to your hair! These products also make good sauces for your pasta dishes! Mm-mm! Yummy! And now back to your show!  
  
Legolas pulled from his jacket.a.kitten!!!  
  
"Aah! Get that thing away from me!" Elrond screamed.  
  
"Haha, he screams like a girl!" Sam laughed. Frodo, Merry, and Pippin joined in.  
  
"What's so funny?" Boromir asked.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Elrond, Legolas, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam screamed. "IT'S THE DEAD GUY!!!"  
  
Gimli appeared. "I see dead people," he whispered.  
  
Aragorn strode forward and killed Boromir. "You bunch of wimps! It was Sauron disguised as Boromir.  
  
"I told you Sauron still roamed Middle Earth. And Elanor is his spy," Elrond said.  
  
"Oh, a kitty," Arwen said. She began petting Elanor.  
  
"Oh, crud!" Elrond said. "You guys! ELANOR BELONGS TO SAURON! SHE MUST DIE!!"  
  
"Come on, now, Father," Arwen said. "Why do you want to kill the kitty?"  
  
"Because she's a servant of the enemy!"  
  
"No, she's not," Aragorn said. "I just killed the enemy, and he wasn't looking for Elanor. He was looking for."  
  
What was Sauron/Boromir looking for? Will Elrond the Drow disguised as an Elf kill Elanor? To find the answers to these questions and more, tune in next time to the Adventures of Elanor! Brought to you by. our new Elven shining products, perfect for bringing that wonderful shiny look to your hair! These products also make good sauces for your pasta dishes! Mm-mm! Yummy! 


	5. Sauron is dead! we think

Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff. I don't own Legolas (boohoo), Frodo (boy am I glad), Boromir (who'd want some stinkin' dead guy?), Elrond (Aah! A Drow), Sam (what an idiot), Gimli (yuck), Merry (waaaahhh!), or Pippin (waaaahhh! Boohoo!). Or any of the other characters. But I do own Elanor. You can't have her! She's mine, I found her, she came to me! She's mine, my own, my precious!  
  
Last episode, Sauron reappeared, disguised as Boromir. Aragorn killed Sauron. Arwen scolded her father for trying to kill Elanor. And now, The Adventures of Elanor! Brought to you by .our new Elven shining products, perfect for bringing that wonderful shiny look to your hair! These products also make good sauces for your pasta dishes! Mm-mm! Yummy! And now, back to your show.  
  
"Well, if that was Sauron, then what did he want?" Sam asked.  
  
"It was Sauron, no if's about it!" Aragorn said. "I'm offended that you doubt my word."  
  
"Good," said Elrond. "I don't believe that was Sauron, and if it was, he was looking for Elanor, not whatever stupid concoction you could think of!"  
  
Aragorn sat down and began crying. After a moment, he looked up. "Hey, I'm King of Gondor. You can't talk to me like that! Guards! Kill him!"  
  
Elrond grabbed Elanor. "If I die, she goes with me!" he threatened.  
  
"No!" Arwen and Legolas said together. "Aragorn, I'm sure he didn't mean what he said," Arwen added.  
  
"Okay. On with the meeting," Aragorn said. "Now, Sauron was looking for the One Ring."  
  
"But it's been destroyed," Frodo said. The other hobbits nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Frodo destroyed it," they agreed.  
  
"Yes, we all know that, but Sauron doesn't," Aragorn explained.  
  
"But," Frodo said, "Gandalf said that Sauron and the Ring are one. So if the Ring was destroyed, then how could Sauron not know it?"  
  
"Well," Aragorn replied. "I'll tell you. It's like this ."  
  
How can Sauron not know something so obvious? I mean, is he like stupid or what? Anyway, will Elrond kill Elanor? Find out the answers to these questions and more by tuning in next time to the Adventures of Elanor! Brought to you by. our new Elven shining products, perfect for bringing that wonderful shiny look to your hair! These products also make good sauces for your pasta dishes! Mm-mm! Yummy! 


	6. Sauron made the One Ring! Or did he?

Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff. I don't own Legolas (boohoo), Frodo (boy am I glad), Boromir (who'd want some stinkin' dead guy?), Elrond (Aah! A Drow), Sam (what an idiot), Gimli (yuck), Merry (waaaahhh!), or Pippin (waaaahhh! Boohoo!). Or any of the other characters. But I do own Elanor. You can't have her! She's mine, I found her, she came to me! She's mine, my own, my precious!  
  
"Well, it's like this," Aragorn said. "Sauron didn't really make the Ring. He paid one of his soldiers to make the Ring and then he turned that soldier into the Witch King, the leader of the Nazgul."  
  
"Oh," said Frodo. "So my trip to Mordor was for nothing. Right?"  
  
"Right," agreed Aragorn. "You'd have been better off using the Ring yourself."  
  
"So why didn't Gandy know all this?" Elrond asked.  
  
Gandalf appeared suddenly. "GANDY??!!" he yelled. He bonked Elrond on the head, knocking him out. Then he disappeared.  
  
"Well, he was right," Frodo said. "Why didn't Gandalf know about this?"  
  
"Oh, he knew about it. Why do you think he sent you on a useless journey? He and Sauron were best friends until Sauron turned evil. Gandalf would rather die than turn his back on a friend."  
  
"Then why did he turn his back on Saruman?" asked Sam.  
  
"Because Saruman and Gandalf always hated each other. See, Saruman stole Gandalf's girlfriend many ages ago, so Gandalf got really mad at Saruman and vowed to get revenge," Aragorn explained.  
  
"Ah," said Elrond, who had awoken. "So now, let's kill Elanor."  
  
"No," said Arwen. "Don't you dare kill the cute kitty, Father."  
  
"And why not? I am the oldest Elf on Middle Earth now that Galadriel's gone."  
  
"Galadriel's gone?" Gimli said. "GRRR!"  
  
"Gimli!" Legolas said warningly.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Anyway, what about Celeborn?" Legolas added. "He's older than you."  
  
"He doesn't count."  
  
"Why not?" asked Pippin.  
  
"You fool of a Took!" Gandalf appeared and bonked him on the head, knocking him out.  
  
"I'll tell you why not, on one condition. I get Elanor."  
  
"Done!" said Legolas. "Why doesn't your father-in-law count?"  
  
"Oh, he's my father-in-law? I forgot. Maybe he does count," Elrond said quickly.  
  
"You're right about that!" Celeborn said. He bonked Elrond on the head, knocking him out.  
  
I'm not going to ask any questions that I'll have to answer in the next chapter. That gets old. So, anyway, this episode is brought to you by our Elven hair products, perfectly formatted to bring that shiny look to your hair. And when you're done, mix what's left in with your drinks! Nice, soapy flavor (or gel-flavored, or conditioner-flavored, or, or, anyway ()! Yummy! 


	7. Elanor's Fate

Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff. I don't own Legolas (boohoo), Frodo (boy am I glad), Boromir (who'd want some stinkin' dead guy?), Elrond (Aah! A Drow), Sam (what an idiot), Gimli (yuck), Merry (waaaahhh!), or Pippin (waaaahhh! Boohoo!). Or any of the other characters. Or any of the FF8 characters. But I do own Elanor. You can't have her! She's mine, I found her, she came to me! She's mine, my own, my precious!  
  
"Grandpa, you meanie!" Arwen shouted. "Why did you hit Father?"  
  
"He wants to kill your kitty," Celeborn said.  
  
"Oh, okay," Arwen replied, hitting Elrond over the head with Glorfindel's sword.  
  
Legolas glared at her. "Elanor has to go. Elrond and I had a deal."  
  
"Well, since I'm his son," Elrohir said, "I'll take the cat."  
  
"Okay," said Legolas, and gave Elrohir Elanor.  
  
Elrohir promptly gave the kitty to Arwen.  
  
"HEY!" Legolas cried. "I didn't want HER to have the cat!"  
  
"She's my sister, and I'll stand up for her before my father," Elrohir said.  
  
"You evil Elf! I raised you different than that!" Elrond yelled.  
  
"You're no Elf!" Elrohir replied. "We're only half Elves. You're a Drow! You're the evil Elf!"  
  
"Whatever," Squall said.  
  
"Hey, who are you?" Celeborn asked.  
  
"Wrong line, old man," Pippin said.  
  
"You mean old Elf," Merry corrected him.  
  
"Right," Pippin agreed.  
  
"Okay, eight that are here yet nine there were set out from Rivendell, tell me where is Gandalf for I much desire to speak with him?"  
  
Galadriel appeared. "He has fallen into shadow, hey who are you?" she asked.  
  
"Whatever," Squall said.  
  
"Oh, hi, Mr. Ever," Galadriel said. "Strange name that, but whatever you say. Haha, that's a pun, Celeborn."  
  
"Umm, Mrs. Really Really Old Elf, what's a pun?" asked Gimli.  
  
"Hmm, well, maybe you should wait and find out next chapter," she said.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Now, about that cat," Galadriel said. "The cat will go with me to Valinor. She will be happy there, and safe from the likes of him," she pointed at Elrond. "By the time he gets there, his desire to kill cats will be gone."  
  
"Promise?" asked Arwen. "Grandma?"  
  
"I promise, O daughter of Cele-, uh, Celeborn, what's our daughter's name again? You know, the dead one?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Who cares?"  
  
"Well, anyway, I promise, O grand-daughter of Galadriel, last living Elf to sail from Valinor."  
  
"Good," Arwen said, laughing. "YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"  
  
She jumped up and down happily. Galadriel smiled. "Now, Celeborn, the two of us are going to Valinor, and we're taking that cat with us."  
  
"Wait," said Squall. "What about Sauron?"  
  
"He's dead," said Aragorn.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Cause, I cut off his head," Aragorn said. "MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
"AAAHHH!!!" Elrond said. "Arwen, he's evil, stay away from him!"  
  
"Don't worry, Father. I'm going to Valinor with Elanor. Hey that rhymes! Elanor, Valinor, Elanor, Valinor," she continued to chant.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" yelled Squall.  
  
Everyone looked at him. "You shut up!" Arwen said, crying.  
  
"Whatever," he muttered angrily.  
  
Why is Squall, a character from Final Fantasy VIII, in a story about LotR? Does anyone really care? Will the author answer these questions in the next chapter? Will there be a next chapter?  
  
To find out the answers to these questions, and more, tune in next time on the Adventures of Elanor! And if there isn't a next time? Well, that's what your brain is for! This episode brought to you by our Elven hair products, perfectly formatted to bring that shiny look to your hair. And when you're done, mix what's left in with your drinks! Nice, soapy flavor (or gel-flavored, or conditioner-flavored, or, or, anyway ()! Yummy! 


	8. Is Still Undecided

Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff. I don't own Legolas (boohoo), Frodo (boy am I glad), Boromir (who'd want some stinkin' dead guy?), Elrond (Aah! A Drow), Sam (what an idiot), Gimli (yuck), Merry (waaaahhh!), or Pippin (waaaahhh! Boohoo!). Or any of the other characters. Or any of the FF8 characters. But I do own Elanor. You can't have her! She's mine, I found her, she came to me! She's mine, my own, my precious!  
  
This episode brought to you by our Elven hair products, perfectly formatted to bring that shiny look to your hair. And when you're done, mix what's left in with your drinks! Nice, soapy flavor (or gel-flavored, or conditioner-flavored, or, or, anyway)! Yummy!  
  
Before Arwen, Galadriel, and Celeborn could leave, however, Squall grabbed Elanor and gave her to Elrond.  
  
"No!" screamed Arwen.  
  
"Hahaha, she's mine!" Elrond said evilly.  
  
Arwen tried to take Elanor back, but Elrond turned away.  
  
"You can't have her! She's mine, I found her, she came to me!"  
  
"Now, Father, there's no need to get angry," Elrohir said.  
  
"Well, if I'm angry it's your fault! She's mine, my own, my precious!"  
  
"Aah!" Celeborn said. "Elanor's not at fault here. Elrond is a tool of Sauron!"  
  
"Kill him!" Legolas said.  
  
Squall leaped forward, taking the blade that was aimed for Elrond.  
  
"Hey," Bulegristwen said. "You're messing up the story, Squall."  
  
"Whatever," he said.  
  
"Oh, that's his name, Squall," Galadriel said. "Even stranger that What Ever."  
  
"Yes, I agree," Bulegristwen said. "Now, what should I do about Elrond?"  
  
"Sentence him to life imprisonment in the Halls of Mandos," Legolas said.  
  
"You already said that," Bulegristwen said.  
  
"No, I didn't," Legolas corrected. " 'Kill' and 'life imprisonment in the Halls of Mandos' may mean the same but they aren't the same."  
  
"Close enough!" Bulegristwen said.  
  
"Whatever," said Squall.  
  
I know this chapter is short, even for me, but hey, whatever! :)  
  
This episode brought to you by our Elven hair products, perfectly formatted to bring that shiny look to your hair. And when you're done, mix what's left in with your drinks! Nice, soapy flavor (or gel-flavored, or conditioner-flavored, or, or, anyway)! Yummy! 


	9. The End! Finally!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters other than Elanor.  
  
Legolas grabbed Elanor from Elrond and gave her to Galadriel. Galadriel jumped on Asfaloth. Celeborn mounted behind her and yelled 'Noro lim, Asfaloth!'  
  
Arwen kicked Celeborn. "That's my line, Grandpa!" she yelled. She ran after Asfaloth yelling at Celeborn for stealing her line. But she never caught up with him. Celeborn and Galadriel made it safely to the Grey Havens. They jumped on a ship, and Cirdan sent them over to Valinor. And Galadriel, and Celeborn, and Elanor lived happily ever after, to the end of time. The End.  
  
Well, did you like it? Very short, yes, but hey, at least I finished it! :) 


End file.
